"What a  wonderful Critmas present!  ouare back..and I couldn't be happier!"
Judy in Ohio


v v v v v


A man is walking through the park one day when he
comes across a guy sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out.

"What's wrong?" asks the passerby, sitting down next to the crying man.

"I have a twenty-five inch dick," says the sobber.

"So why the hell are you crying? Most guys would kill
for one that big!" said the confused good samaritan.

"I'm crying," he explains sadly, "because it takes me
a week to get a hard-on."


v v v v v


*submitted by*
WMBAAS

Well, I made sure my new wife and I both ate lots of cheese
at our wedding reception. I'm not sure
why, but apparently it's customary for newlyweds to
constipate their marriage on the first night.


v v v v v




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v v v v v


        QUICKIE HELP FOR CROWD COOKING:  

* Figure about 3 drinks per guest and be sure to include  
  non-alcoholic drink choices.  

* Count on 4 to 6 appetizers per person if you're serving  
  a meal. If you're just serving hors d'oeuvres with  
  cocktails, the amount goes up to 12 pieces per person.  

* A portion of meat per person is 1/4 to 1/3 pound.  

* A portion of vegetables, rice, pasta, or salad is 1/2 cup.  

* A 9-inch pie or tart (after a large meal) will usually  
  serve about 8 to 10 people.  

* If you prepare a selection of items that can be served  
  at room temperature you will not have to worry that  
  your hot entree will be getting cold, or your cold  
  dessert will be melting.  


v v v v v


After an evening at the theater and several nightcaps
at an intimate little bistro, the young man whispered
to his date, "How do you feel about making love to men?"

"That's my business," she snapped.

"Ah," he said, "A professional!"